Turning uselessness into an artform.

Julie/Julia: what a delightful film. I'm watching it at the moment as I contemplate the few pitiful chores I have remaining to do and wondering whether I am really earning my keep as an unemployed wife (aka housewife). I mean, the flat is clean - it's much easier to keep clean than the old house - we have a full 'fridge, cake in the tin, emergency dinners in the freezer: what have I left to do to make myself useful? The only thing that needs ironing is a bunch of pillow cases that aren't going to be used for yonks and other than that it's personal projects - knitting/sewing/crochet etc which I love, but a) make a lot of mess and b) make me feel a tad guilty for devoting my time to something that benefits only me.

Of course... I say all this, but there *is* something I ought to be doing. I ought to be in town getting stamps so I can post stuff off, then I need to post it. But do I want to leave the flat in this awful cold weather? Do I heck. I think the post may have to fester in my handbag for one more day. I am a bad wife.

Now, in celebration of this blog being once more expanded I have decided to create another little list, because we all know how much I love them :-)

Reasons I am longing for Spring

1- We have no central heating and it's bitterly cold.
2- Did I mention the cold? And the lack of central heating?
3- The view is dreary (See below). I want sunshine and colour. Flowers and leaves of the most astonishing bright green. Something to look at when I go for walks. Already there are pussy willows and catkins - little silver velvet buds and delicate yellow earrings hanging from every slender branch and I am tense with excitement at the prospect of snowdrops, crocii, hyacinths, primroses, almond blossom, cherry blossom, mimosa, horse chestnut candles - oh - I'm sighing with longing just at the thought of it.
4- Hubby's probationary period at work will be up and that tiny little seed of uncertainty that insists on persisting despite my unshakeable confidence in his general wonderfulness can be thrown out and we can make a few decisions about our future in some kind of security - or as much as one can have in the current climate.
5- My birthday. Which I am determined to enjoy despite the fact it marks being another year older. It's a day to celebrate me and eat cake. That can't be bad.
6- Hubby turns 30. I am going to spoil him rotten and he will start the best decade of his life with a wonderful celebration.
7- I can dig out all my pretty-coloured spring clothing and finally stop wearing hubby's navy blue zip-up fleece which is very cosy, but unflattering to wear and probably rather in need of a wash.
8- I can leave the window open and the boys can let themselves in and out: this has two benefits. a) I don't have to act as their porter, letting them in and out ad infinitum ad nauseum b) if they can let themselves in and out then they will hopefully use the outside loo and I will not have to clean out their stinky stinky litter tray twice a day which is my *least* favourite chore.
9- Longer days. Hubby will come home in daylight and we can go for walks together and enjoy our new, carefree life.
10- Did I mention the horrible horrible cold? And the one, very expensive, plug-in electric heater? Warmer weather will not only be infinitely more pleasant, but significantly cheaper.

The view from my window yesterday morning when the sun shone, which improved the dreary winteriness considerably.


And now I'm done writing today's blog and will return to contemplating my navel. Anyone have any suggestions for something useful to do?

Oh - and guess what? The baby that hat was a gift for was born the day after I gave it to his mummy - ten days early! Welcome to the world baby Cameron.

New Start

So, today I take the plunge and re-start the great job search. My CV is polished and shiny (albeit somewhat sparse), my rather casual wardrobe has been raided for something a little bit smart and I have a list of places to see, people to talk to.

Now all I need to do is gather my courage in both hands and leave the house. I don't know why I'm so apprehensive. When it comes to my voluntary work or personal projects I am accomplished and confident - I can only assume that this is scary because it's new. Change is always a little frightening at first, but it's how you deal with it that shows your mettle and I am not short of determination. I coped with being disabled for so long, I can cope with being able. It'll just take me a little while to become accustomed to thinking of myself that way. It's a good thing though, a far more positive adjustment to make and I'm looking forward to bits of it - perhaps I should focus on those... sounds like incentive for another list!

- Meeting new people
- Seeing people on a regular basis
- New things to learn
- Confidence to be gained through new achievements
- Money!
- Opportunities
- Being able to enjoy my leisure hours more when they're rarer.

I think those seven things are worth being a little scared for, don't you?

Wish me luck!

Little Things That Make Me Happy

I've mentioned before about my affection for lists. Well, here is one that makes a massive difference to my everyday life, because it is the fragments of the life I lead that give me pleasure, satisfaction and keep me moving forwards. And these are just the things that occur to me today as I sit here. What makes you happy?
- Picking up my affectionate, sausage-stealing cat and burying my face in his fur
- Hugging my husband, laying my cheek against his chest and hearing his heart beating
- Hanging washing out on the line and smelling that fresh-washed smell
- Coming into the house when I've been cooking bread, brownies, a fluffy sponge cake or a rich, tasty stew and smelling the delicious smell permeating through the entire house and knowing that it was my work that made it. Appreciating the smell and anticipating the taste and others' pleasure in the food.
- When the cats do that chittering thing when they've seen a bird through the window
- Getting into a bed made up with clean sheets, everything crisp and fresh, clean pyjamas, clean hair and snuggling into the covers.
- A hot water bottle for my feet on a cold night
- The soft, pink, fuzzy cover of my hot water bottle on my feet
- Post for me that's not a bill, circular or other boring item
- Watching my cats play-fight each other
- A little guilty treat, like that unexpected chocolate in your handbag or the last cupcake
- Rediscovering a pair of shoes or a top I haven't worn for ages
- Making a meal and finding it even tastier than I expected
- When Bramble, my independent cat, lets me stroke his tummy and I can scrunch my fingers through his soft white fluffy fur as he squirms in pleasure.
- Leaning against a radiator when it's cold
- Looking outside first thing in the morning and seeing it's sunny
- Finding buds on my bushes and sprouting seedlings in my pots
- Knitting something with very little comprehension of how the complex instructions equal a cardigan and that moment when you realise how it will fit together!
- My husband kissing me goodbye whilst I'm still half asleep and hearing him tell me he loves me so quietly I almost think I've imagined it.
- Smiling at someone I don't know and having them smile back
- Conversation - with almost anyone.
- The ritual and pleasure of making a cup of tea, then holding the warm mug between the palms of your hands and breathing in the steam just before you take a sip.

I may have to do a part two when I think of more things :-)

Things That Wind Me Up

- Drivers who don't indicate at a roundabout - where are you going? I'm not psychic!
- Thin people who whinge about how fat they are. Do you want a smack?
- Adverts with crappy jingles that nevertheless stick in your head and play for days.
- Buying something at full price and then finding it significantly cheaper when it's too late to change.
- Snow. <-- that's a fairly new one that only applies when it lasts more than 1 day, stops people coming to visit and doesn't even get your husband a snow day.
- Cats who won't snuggle when you want them to, but climb all over you when you're trying to type, knit or write.
- Being let down at the last minute
- Passive aggressive behaviour - if you have a problem, just tell me.
- Parents who don't bother to control their children - take control, take responsibility.
- People who expect me to make a quick decision. I'm a ditherer, deal with it!
- Gossip mags - why would I give a rat's arse about people I've never met and have no connection with?
- People who don't understand chocolate addiction - that's not normal.
- Anyone who pushes in front of me in a queue.
- Babies with pierced ears.
- Small girls in adult style clothing - put them in a frilly dress and ankle socks!
- Twins or siblings who've been dressed in the same clothes - way to incubate an identity crisis in later life.
- People who expect you to find something easy just because they do.

Lists

I doubt very much that I'm alone, as a woman, when it comes to my passionate relationship with lists. Planning a party? Write a list. Going travelling? Write a list. Christmas coming? Write a list. Feel like your brain is turning to soup with all the things you have to remember? Write a list.

I even have an item on my current list: make shopping list. That's right, I put 'making lists' on my lists. I adore them. They organise me, they keep me sane, they give me a sense of achievement and satisfaction even when I've done very little. On bad days I put 'get dressed' 'put on makeup' 'feed cats' on my list, just so I can tick them off (or cross them out, depending on my mood) and feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Today I've done several things from my list, including more than a few of those 'filler' items, but writing on ym blog wasn't actually one of them, so I'd better either stop wasting time and get on with some more of the things, or go write it on my list, so I can cross it off ;-)

That's right: I'm in a crossing off mood today!
TTFN